A Series of Unfortunate Sales and Trades - A Memoir by Oswald The Merchant (3)
AH! I bet you're here because you've heard of my very strange encounter with another weird customer! Hmm? You're here to buy weap- that can wait sir! Today is rather special! I'm going to tell you about this newest customer I've had. Oh, okay maybe not a customer: I paid him gold. BAH! These are just expressions in the end. Right then, here what happened: Unfortunate Sale #3 - Not really a sale, but a trade of some sort bec- oh nevermind, Giraffe's Gold it shall be then A few weeks ago as I was scouring the area for some chowder that didn't taste like someone's spit, I came across a particularly tall and lanky....thing that was in the area. He wasn't that hard to recognise: there was only one famous giraffe beastkin in the continent. If there were any other..nevermind. What was his name again? Joe? I jest! I jest! It was JEFF!! Right then, so this Jeff fellow was famous for turning gold into just about anything. I was going to lure him into my shop in exchange for his service but ho! Something better happened. I approached the lanky fellow and greeted him in the sweetest way possible, like honey? No, maybe molasses. YES, molasses it shall be! So I said: "Good day, dear handsome, most wondrous, most uh..brown spotted in golden skin..SIR! How do you do?" To which he turned around at. Aha! Phase one, complete! The fellow was rubbing his neck with his hands (uh, hooves) at this point. Honestly he looked very shabby for an explorer, poor fashion sense too if you ask me, with the robes and..was that a horseshoe? Bah, that's not important. He responded to my very sweet as molasses greeting with something that went along the lines of: "good day..rumbling sprouts..war..transporation...seek me out." Phase two, complete! But then, something better happened. He went on about having a big bank account or something like that BUT HO! He showed me a red gemstone that glittered finely under the sun. I could recognise that stone in that instant. But what surprised me was that HE didn't. I mean how much of a dumdum do you have to be not to recognise a stone as precious as the Mark of Aegis? They are extremely rare when forged: and when discovered under heaps and heaps of other rocks, priceless. Immediately I suggested that he pay my wondrous shop a visit, to which he agreed! But the lanky bastard only showed up a few days after, something about a summon from the College BAH! These intellects are truly fine species. I was in the Galleria, busy sorting through some of the older boxes, sieving through items that could still be sold, and items that can be used for other purposes, mostly cheati- CHEAP, yes, cheap..ing? Haha! Ha... Quickly I exited, and made my way to once again greet the Jeff fellow in the sweetest way possible. Ah but here's what the bastard said to me next. SEVEN SACKS OF GOLD. SEVEN. For the bloody gem. I mean I AM filthy rich but even that amount of gold is a heap! He goes on to explain why seven, which was honestly very interesting, but I think I only remembered parts that went like: "seven..important number...Philosopher's stone." AH yes. It was then I recalled that this fellow had an obsession with forging that particular stone. An unhealthy one, as Ruby put it. BAH! Seven sacks...I would have given him seven stabs too, with a discount!! Lanky bastard!! How about seven years of bad luck to go with it too! Free of charge! So I went inside the Galleria to retrieve the gold, and I think I head him mumble "downfall" and "Kingdom". Ah, not my concern then! I was searching for a wheelbarrow to hold the gold but there was none to be found. Sighing, I walked over to one of the many shelves in the middle of the room. I grabbed a jewelry box, removed seven tiny bags labelled "coins" and held them on my palm. Of course, the main thing here is what comes next! I handed the bags to him and he gave me a rather annoyed look. So I said, "Once you leave this place and back to your chambers, snap your fingers...ah better not. Let me do that for you." NOW HERE'S THE FUN PART. I snapped my fingers and the coin bags began to swell in size. Ahhh these charms were incredibly useful for tricky customers. The bags also swelled in weight, mind you. SPLAT! He fell right on his face!! "I would have given you a wheelbarrow but I couldn't find one! Haha! But, wasn't that a sight!!" He certainly wasn't pleased with that magic trick! But then these intellects never are, something about being irrational and what not. I for one, abhore magic because of that stupid witch in the woods, but the effects..yes the effects come in very handy. Pardon? What witch in the woods? Story for another day, that one! He passed me the stone and exited the store after I returned the coin bags back to their miniature size and weight. Before he left he mentioned something that sent a spine down my back..or was it butterflies? "Bravely default" and my armour being familiar, which it should, really, and then he winked! What a nice basta- FELLOW indeed! That was extreme fun! Hmm. It seems I've run out of things to say. Oh well, till the next one!